I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
