if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
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