my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
