if you like me you must not know who I am
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
