You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
