when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
