So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
