Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
