I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize