You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
