i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
