There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
