I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
