I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
