I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
