How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
