Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
