I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
