I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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