I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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