Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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