Fuck appropriateness.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
