Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
