It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
