Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
