So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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