hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
