she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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