Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
