Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
