my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
