We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Pants are for mortals
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
