I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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