'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My bed smells like the plague
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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