it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
