Tell her she can't have a vagina
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
