He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
