plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
