fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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