we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize