Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
