She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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