I look better un-naked...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Randomize
