i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize