recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm at about main and main street
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
