Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
