So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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