Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
