I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he shaved USA in his pubs
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
