wrigley field is MILF paradise
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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