just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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