The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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