I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
