just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
