Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
