He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
