I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize