shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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