I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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