It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
