butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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