I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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