well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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