sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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