I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize