maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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