I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
