office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
